why did you have to go..i miss you so much and it isn’t getting better. yes time goes by but no one forgets. i still can’t bear the thought of not having you in my life. even though we grew apart in 7th grade that didn’t mean i didn’t miss you being one of my good friends. me you and our class and switch class and grade and everyone had so much fun in 6th grade. i don’t know why you did it but i really wish anyone could have helped you. this time exactly 365 years ago on this very day may 29th i found out the news from my friend and mostly facebook. i was speechless and frozen i didn’t cry because i guess i just didn’t believe any of it. the next day everyone wore black and it settled in a bit so then yes i did cry, i balled my eyes out because my friend who always seemed so happy and cheerful committed suicide. i still for some reason don’t like saying that word it kills me a bit inside every time someone says it. and when people say bad things about you or what happened, i just want to tell them to fuck off but no i try to be polite for you and ignore them. once someone was looking through my phone and saw what you put your name as..”cody is soo sexy” and then she went and told me i should delete your number and asked me why i kept it because she said you are never going to text/call me. well yes i know but every once in awhile i like looking to see that you wrote that in my phone or seeing the conversations we had. we did have the best ones and when i got u and catie together? you were so happy and i was for you too. but you made 5th and 6th and part of 7th the best years of my life. you were the weird kid and different but you know the different people are always the best. i realized that and became your friend. and a damn good one. whenever you werent there at school i waited and waited until i realized i would have a boring day without you. people thought i was weird because i hated going a day without seeing you and people thought i liked you but no, you were just one of the good friends i had and every minute with you was a good one. we hung out sometimes like when you me and miranda went to the movies and logan went to the wrong one. we had such a good time and we were going to skip theatres and go to see the chipmunks after seeing new moon even though you didnt like twilight at all. so we saw it then decided to take a trip to target and played hide and seek. one of the best days. and also when we hung out at cherish’s house. that was fun. and so many other times. like in school too. we all got sent out into the hallway in gym class. you me logan because we threw crayons. we thought we were badasses and had a better time out there than in gym. and remember mrs yanchek? yeah she misses you. she went to you funeral and so did everybody. you didn’t think that anyone  would miss oyu when actually every fucking person i know does. the might not have known you well but you affected everybody’s life. and mine. you gave me the best friendship and better than i could have asked for. i love you. fucking love you with all my heart. today is a year bud. time flies doesn’t it. you would be in 8th grade with us and ya know that walkathon..maybe it wouldn’t have happened but its good that it did. we remembered you and kyle which you obviously know because you were watching over us the whole time. i wish you were here. oh you probably know who pink floyd is and they’re song i wish you were here. i learned it on the guitar for you and everytime i play it and sing it i think of you . everyone would be happier. so many people have gone depressed or done other stuff. it’s just not as good of a school without you in it. i just listened to let it be by of course the beatles. that was your favorite song..it is one of mine too and believe it or not the beatles are one of my favorite bands. that is good music. now it sucks. you always told me we should hang out more and i really wish we did. i don’t know why we never talked after the start of 7th grade. you could have helped me in life but i guess we just went our seperate ways. but then you kinda became popular and were “best friends” with everyone apparently, the say now. but no they didn’t even know you at all. i can’t even say i knew you the best it was people like anthony and erin and cherish who did. but i can still say i knew you and that makes me one of the luckiest people in the whole world. i remember when you died your hair for rockstar day but then kept it in and mrs.wright got pissed at you. personally i fucking loved you hair. you would be laughing at me right now because im just writing like a crazy person about you and eating. you know how they say people eat the problems away. yeah i sometimes do taht. i just miss you and the way you laughed and your hugs. i hope no one reads this. it is just for me because i dont know. i still haven’t visited your grave and i feel like a horrible person, just bad. but i promise you i will make it there someday. i don’t know when because whenever i think of you i cry and i don’t know if i will be able to do it. hey the song that just came on is get back by the beatles. you should get your damn ass back down here and make me happy. i know you’re  happier now but i wish i could have helped you. i most likely wasn’t any part of the reason why you did it. i know you had your problems and everybody does and our vice president was a total bitch to you and that should be illegal. they are there to teach not bully the students when they teach us not to bully and i never do when i see people getting bullied i try to help nor do i ever bully i can’t do it because i have problems with family and confidence and people so i know that everyone else does too. no ones perfect ya know how hannah montana taught us that. jesus christ i miss you kid. you’re older than me and you would have been 15 but no you left earth about a month before so you are definitely forever young. for you i’ve been trying to be happier and live life to the fullest. i go out there and do new things. i usually don’t know who to talk to because everyone that knew you i either don’t know or don’t talk to much anymore. ive got logan and jess and megan but i just feel like i’m annoying people. it’s hard ya know. living with the haunting thoughts of what if.. what if i tried to keep out friendship active. what if dr.bradley never knew you. what if we never even met. i still think i’d miss you or be affected by you. well this is really long but i hope you read this. i am honestly one of the luckiest people ever to have had your friendship. i really miss you. so fucking much it’s unbelievable. you don’t understand. everyone says they knew you and wish you would come to their house one more time.. you were a popular kid and there are many reasons for that. you smile. laugh. hugs. jokes. personality. just you cody nathaniel wallace. see it says you are a Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. don’t you wish that harry potter was real? you and me bud we’d have fun there. i dont know what to do anymore. yes it’s gotten a bit better but mostly not. you have your own little spot in my brain which i always think about. every second of every minute of every day. i will honestly never ever forget you. well i’m going to stop now even though no one will read this. i will. and don’t worry, i’ll try my best to get the courage to come visit you. but maybe if you can come visit me in my dreams. you haven’t for awhile and i really do miss you. i hope i wasn’t the reason you did it and i don’t think i was but honestly i feel guilty every day i should have done something.. i will love you forever and a day. i can’t wait to see you <3 bye for now cody